I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
