my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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