My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize