Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
