i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
