I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I need to calm my uterus...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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