So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You pole danced in your parka.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
