You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize