why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
