Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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