He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
