Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
