think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
