someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
