I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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