fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
