So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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