3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
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