I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
