Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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