hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
