y did u give ur computer a hand job?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
