I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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