She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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