and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
