we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize