My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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