We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
