My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Randomize
