I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
