Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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