Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
