OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I will be naked everywhere
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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