Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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