just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just made my gag reflex go away.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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