Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
