im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
