Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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