For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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