We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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