Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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