So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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