I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize