found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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