Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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