He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
