Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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