he told me I talked like a deaf person
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So squirting runs in the family.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
