hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
