i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We have so much sex to catch up on
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
im on a boat
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