I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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