Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
