Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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