You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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