Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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