in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
