just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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