just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
