is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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