wat bout pragnant strippers??
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
