Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We have started to decorate penises.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
