there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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