Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
