just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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