I puked a lego.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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