Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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