Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
